shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
