im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
