I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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