god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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