Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
