i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
