My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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