Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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