Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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