im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
