Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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