I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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