Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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