you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
