Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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