I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
