We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
