I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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