Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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