she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
