he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
