No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
