Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
