feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
