I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
