Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
