dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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