help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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