Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
