Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the day after is always just damage control
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
