Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
