My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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