i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
