He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
