You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
