Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
