He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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