theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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