I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
