Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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