she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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