so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
