8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We are all done wearing pants today
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
