so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize