PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize