butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
