Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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