In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
