U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
