hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your cock deserves a montage
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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