Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
no, he came in my armpit
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
