Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
