u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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