i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
