im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
