i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
