I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
