its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
