He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
