??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Pooping to opera.
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