This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
