did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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