I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
