I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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