i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
