9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
