I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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