Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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