Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
