I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
bring money and cleavage
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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