if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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