so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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