$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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