So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
