i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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