he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
