did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
